U.S. Pulls Out of Another International Green Grift

“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere you go…”

Indeed, every morning feels like Christmas morning when you were 8 years old, when, after lying awake with anticipation most of the night, you leapt from bed at dawn’s first light and rushed into the living room to see what form of glorious gifts Santa Claus (who you secretly knew was your old man) had left under the tree.

For the last 6 weeks, President Donald Trump has replaced your old man as the real Santa, and he’s been leaving presents, tons of glorious, gleaming presents under your news tree to celebrate 7 days each week.